Waiting...

I don't know how I am going to pass the time until I actually conceive a child (If I am lucky enough to do so). But then I think about all of the women who have been trying for month and years. And the women who will never be able to have children. Or who are waiting to adopt. And then I take a deep breath, and put everything into perspective. I haven't been trying for a full month. So I have to find a way to keep my anxiety down. I don't want to obsess about having a baby. I want to be obsessive about my health and about being smart. But I don't want to go crazy about something I can't control.

No one knows that I am writing this. I haven't even told DH about this blog. I'm not really sure why. I not writing about anything secret. In fact, I think DH cares as much about this as I do. I guess just want to keep this for me right now. I think he might think that I am obsessing about Baby Lua. In a lot of ways, that's definitely true. I want to meet Baby Lua! But I don't think it's an unhealthy obsession. I am not losing sleep. I am able to function normally. That said, I am trying to do everything in my power to make Baby Lua's entry into the world happen as quickly and as awesomely as possible. I am working out, trying to eat well and taking my prenatal vitamins religiously. And as much as I miss red wine, I am going to stay away until I am breastfeeding or until I am confirmed unable to have a child.

I also wouldn't mind having twins. DH and I both want at least two children, but given the fact that I am over 30, I think 2 is really the limit for me. That's why having twins is attractive. I hope that I don't have to have any fertility treatments, but if I do, the potential of having twins is at least a plus.