I've been pretty patient this cycle. I'm not cataloging every little twinge. I am just trying to go with the flow. My temps are in range for what they normally would be at this point in the cycle. I have nothing interesting to report. I am 7DPO and am just going to wait it out until I feel a need to test.

I'm thankful for: My BBT thermometer. It works and that's all I need it to do....

8 points

That's my score on the FF Early Pregnancy Signs tool. Not great. Lowest score ever, and it's just 5DPO. Maybe that 's a great sign - all the times I've had higher points, I haven't been pregnant.

Sleepy

I'm tired. I'm on 4DPO and have nothing to report. I've traveled the last few days, so I just haven't had the energy to write.

I'm thankful for: Sleep. It's a good thing.

I hate traveling

I have to go to NY today. It's a super quick trip - in and out. I'm not even telling my friends because I won't have time to do anything.

My temps are flat today, but I got my second of two "peak" readings. We did our best conceive this cycle. I'm betting we get a "high" rating on the conception advisior, which is better than last cycle. We did our part, so we just need to see whether we are going to be blessed with Baby Lua. It would be so wonderful if this were our month. I want to be a mother and DH wants to be a father. I pray that this is our time.

I'm thankful for: Movies OnDemand. It's nice to be able to watch something I want when I feel like it.

Feeling better than yesterday

Okay - I feel so much better today. I was feeling a little sorry for myself yesterday, but I'm back on track. I have to allow myself some down time sometimes.

Anyway, my temps are starting to climb, I got a "peak" reading on my CBEFM and my CM is watery. This means I'll be able to BD at the right time this month. Since I'm heading out of town for a few nights tomorrow night, I was afraid I was going to miss some prime BD time. However, given my temps and the monitor reading, I think we'll time everything just right to have a high chance of conception. I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

I'm thankful for: Not staying negative. I know I can occasionally get caught in feeling badly for myself, but I don't always stay "down". I really learned to put stuff aside and move forward.

Tired of TTC Today

My best friend is pregnant after passively trying for 3 months. I am so thrilled for her!! But I am just reminded that I'm not and we've been actively trying for 6 months now. It seems silly to even read that last sentence because this is only month 6, so we've only been trying in earnest for 3 more months.

But still. It is hard to keep this up. I am taking my temps every freaking day. I wake up to pee on a stick 10 days in every 30. I abstain from alcohol, medication, and caffeine for 25 days out of every 30. I check my cervical fluid and am now taking Robitussin 3 times a day. I take prenatals and DHA and calcium 2 times a day. I am getting acupuncture. I walk 30 minutes when I get the energy to do it. And what do I have to show for it. A freaking blog. 

Awesome.

I am tired of TTC.  Maybe I'll feel better later, but I am f*cking tired of it right now.

I'm thankful for: My friend's pregnancy because at least it's happened to someone I love since it doesn't seem to be happening to me.

Playing Catch Up

I can't say a lot today and you've probably noticed, I haven't been posting daily like I want to. Work is kicking my butt!

Today is CD9 and I got my first high reading of the month on the CBEFM. My temps are super low (97.2), so things are progressing normally. I've been taking Guaifenesin on a somewhat regular basis. I can't say for sure if it's helping, but I have had EWCM today, which was awesome. I'm really hopeful this month. If I ovulate when I think I will, my due date would be November 15. It's would still be Fall and not winter, and I wouldn't necessarily have a baby on Thanksgiving Day.

I'm thankful for: TV. It's nice to have a distraction when I need it.

So tired

I know I already posted today, but I thought I would write briefly again. I made it through a pretty tough day. Acupuncture was wonderful today. I don't know what took me so long to get back into it. I also up for Jenny Craig. It's not cheap. But it works. I am on the 20 lbs for $20 plan. I can't imagine it will hurt as I try to get pregnant to lose some weight. So although the day wasn't awesome, I did get some positive momentum. So I'm happy.

Another partial all-nighter

I am too old for this. Staying up until 3 AM trying to meet a deadline - which I didn't meet. I tried cramming weeks worth of work into the hours of midnight to 3 AM. I got a dent in a small piece of it, but I have so much more to do and now I'm exhausted on top of it all. But I'll pull it together and get it done. But I'm upset that I'm here when this could have been avoided.

Since I was awake at my temping time, my temp shouldn't really count. But it was only 97.34, so I think it was in the ballpark of what it would have been anyway. The bad news is my reading on my monitor. As I went to be at the time I would usually POAS, I went to the bathroom and didn't have a stick with me. So I ended up using urine from 6 AM which just wasn't the right timing. It just didn't have a high level of hormones. It'll be fine as long as I don't try another all nighter. So I have to stop here and get to work!

I'm thankful for: Having meetings I can move. I don't know what I would have done if I had to have my 8:00 AM meeting this morning. Getting in some extra sleep after working all night was necessary. I am still dragging today, but at least it's with 4 hours of sleep and not with 3.

Drumming up the energy

The beginning of any cycle is less than exciting. Well, that's not completely true. There is the preparation, the belief that this will be the cycle to end up with a BFP and 9 months later, Baby Lua. So that's a good thing. Then there is the addition of something new to the TTC arsenal. This months it's Guaifenesin to thin my CM. And of course, a renewed commitment to doing all I can to ensure my body can conceive.

That said, there's also the frustration, the stress, the pressure. That's the less exciting stuff. The stuff that makes this whole TTC process hard. I hate the forced nature of it all. I wish we were younger so that we didn't have the time issue to deal with. But we aren't and we do, so we'll deal.

I'm thankful for: Finding new ways to help TTC. It keeps this process somewhat fresh. I love having something new to try.

Lost some steam

Happy Valentine's Day. I wanted to be celebrating being pregnant. Instead, I'm not. Well, I'm celebrating having a wonderful husband. Although it doesn't feel that way right now. Right now, it just sucks. When we decided that we wanted to have a child, I did all the right things. I started taking prenatal pills 3 months in advance. I started temping and checking my CM. I stopped drinking and eating medium rare meat. We timed our intercourse to ensure we were giving ourselves the best chances for conception. I spent a few hundred on my fertility monitor and test strips and Pre Seed and pregnancy tests. I tracked every little symptom on Fertility Friend. And what do I have to show for it all. NOTHING. AT. ALL.

So, we are into cycle #6. My period is over. I start testing on my CBEFM tomorrow morning for 10 days. I am going out of town Sunday night. I am praying that ovulate early this cycle as I have to travel to NY for work. If I ovulate on the later end of my usual time frame, I'll be in NY during ovulation and the time before it, which means another cycle will have been missed. But I won't think like that. I am going to believe that I'll ovulate early. I am going to believe that we'll BD plenty of times before I leave, giving me the best chance for conception. I am going to believe that this 6th cycle is going to be the one. I have to.

I'm thankful for: Patience. I know I go through moments when I'm upset or disappointed, but I get through it. Having patience is so helpful during those times. When I am just so angry that I haven't gotten pregnant, I remember that it takes time and that I have to be patient. And I am being patient now. I have to be. If I can't find the strength to be patient, then I will mentally check out of this process. That's not where I want to be.

Not pregnant - again

CD2. Going for a consult with my OB/GYN on March 1. Not thrilled.

I'm thankful for: Breathing. Some days that has to be enough.

97.75

And spotting. That means that AF is coming within 24-48 hours. So I'm not pregnant. We are going to try to get tested now that we're going on month 6. I am not distraught. But I am definitely not thrilled.

I'm thankful for: Still having enough hope to try again.

98.40

That was my temp this AM. 98.40. It's 12DPO. Now, I did take 2 pregnancy tests today and neither was positive. That said, I'm still 12DPO, so it's not a sure thing that it would show up as positive anyway. It happens. Mind you, I had 2 fans on me last night, and my temp was still high. Now, it's been going up and down today. It was almost 98.7 earlier, but now it's 97.8. But all that matters is my waking temp, and this morning it was pretty high.

As for symptoms, my nose seems sensitive, but my husband seems isn't smelling what I'm smelling, so that could be in my head. I am tired, but I also had trouble sleeping last night. And I am pretty gassy, but we had beans as part of dinner. My CM has increased, but that's not out of the ordinary. So, I am praying it is a BFP in a day or two.

One thing about the tests - I did say I would test if there was something out of the ordinary on my charts. I've never had a temp increase from 11DPO to 12DPO before. And this is the latest that I've ever had a temp at 98.4 this late in my cycle. My temps have actually been 98.0 or lower on 12DPO and lower than 98.1 on 13DPO. So long story short, I need my temps to go up or stay even tomorrow. And even more than that, I need a positive pregnancy test.

I'm thankful for: Home Pregnancy Tests. It's nice to be able to find out whether I am with child in the comfort of my home. There was a time where a woman couldn't do that. And while I know I haven't had a positive yet, I do like being able to test.

I love Saturdays

They are the best days of the week. My temp went down last night. At 11 DPO,  that's not the best sign. So I'm hoping for a rise tomorrow. So far, my temps have either stayed the same or dropped between 11DPO and 12DPO, so a rise in temp in the morning would be perfect.

I'm thankful for: You guessed it - Saturdays!! Things always seem a little more manageable on Saturdays.

Jeez

I am so annoyed. I have a good life. Really, I have a good life. I have a husband and family who love me. Great friends who care about me. A job that I am relatively good at and that allows me the flexibility to work from home. I live in sunny CA. Life is good.

So why do I feel so bad right now?

I am going to just pray and try to focus on being positive.

I'm really trying

My temps were down this morning. The fan was on and blowing on me, so that could have something to do with it. But I am really using all of my energy to continue to think positively. I know there are women who have been trying for years. And I know I am supposed to believe with all of my heart that I am pregnant. But I also know that my lower temps are the most encouraging thing to see on a chart at 10 DPO. They aren't so low that it would be a true implantation dip. But if my temps shoot up tomorrow, then maybe it is.

I just want to be pregnant so badly. We are ready to start a family now, and the longer it takes the older we get. It's bad enough that I'm over 30 and he's over 40. Neither of us is really "young". And neither of us is in "great" health. We're not awful, but we're not great. So the age plays more of a role. So the sooner we have children, the better.

I am not going to get discouraged. One day of temps falling is not a sign. The only true sign of not being pregnant is having my period. So I am going to continue to believe and stay optimistic. But this morning it's been a little hard.

I'm thankful for: Continuing to remember to be thankful. Some days, like today, it's easy to get caught up in feeling negative. But forcing myself to remember something to be thankful for is really helpful. I puts me in a much better mood when I have to think about what's good in my life. And being thankful, no matter what else is going on, is something I think is good for me. There are always going to be days when things are all going according to plan. But being grateful for something makes those days just a little easier.

So ready

I am so ready for my BFP. I am still feeling off. I still have sore breast. I have these mild cramps. And I still very much want to be pregnant! I am praying for my temp to rise tomorrow AM. OR for a serious implantation dip. But I would much prefer the rise.

I did break down and test today. I know I shouldn't have. But my temps looks different from other cycles, so this is not my breaking my promise. I am going to hold off on testing again. I really would prefer that DH be home when I get my positive anyway. So, I will hope that my temps stay looking good and will consider testing again on Saturday as it would be a great welcome home present for him.

I'm thankful for: Walking. I have started walking for 30 minutes each day, and it makes me feel so much better. I enjoy the fresh air and the exercise. I also have to believe it's healthy for me. I know it's not p90X or anything, but as long as I am doing it regularly, there are some benefits!

Patiently waiting

Time isn't dragging, but I will be happy when I get to the testing part. My temps are up. That's a good sign. My breasts are still sore, my back hurts, I'm tired again. I want a BFP...

I'm thankful for: Modern Family. This show is so funny and clever. I have to give it my attention when it's on because sometimes the jokes are so quick, I miss them. And I needed a laugh tonight. It's always nice to end the evening with some humor.

42 points...

I'm thankful for: 42 points on the FF Early Pregnancy Signs monitor! Love it. My breasts are sore, which is definitely not usual. I am also urinating a lot. I don't think I'm drinking more water, so it's another good sign. I'm very hopeful this cycle!

100th Post!

I am tired today. I slept a lot.

I really hope this is my month. I was sleepy like this 2 months ago, but I'm going to just wait it out. I will keep praying for my BFP. Today is 6DPO, so now I am going to keep my eye out for implantation signs. I believe this is my month. I feel it and am just waiting for the right time to test. Either because it's my test day or because my chart shows me something unusually positive. So, nothing to post today of interest. I'm tired, bloated, nauseous and just ready for my positive test!

I'm thankful for: Sticking to my decision to keep up this blog! Today is my 100th post, and I couldn't be more proud of myself.