It starts

I'm 5w6d, and the morning sickness is starting. Now, I know I should try to keep my stomach full, but that's just easier said than down. So this morning, I woke up to begin working and the nausea hit me and hit me hard. I started gagging, which is Daddy Lua's most favorite thing in the world. However, I didn't have anything close by to snack on, so I had to go downstairs and make toast and scrambled eggs. This seemed to settle my stomach some, but we'll see how long this lasts.

I'm really hoping that I don't get sick the way I did last time around. And I doubly hope that I am not as tired, although if what's been happening so far is any indication, that ship sailed a long time ago. I am exhausted all the time. Exhausted is an exaggeration. I am definitely tired though and could really use a nap every once in awhile. Like right now, for example. It's only 7:45 AM, and I'm trying to figure out when and how I can sneak in a little nap. And I'm only about 6 weeks in.

All of that said, I am super excited about the baby. But I'm still trying to soak up as much time as possible with Baby Lua because once the baby is here, my time will be split. It's amazing how much I love that little girl. Her smile melts my heart and to hear her laugh can brighten my whole day. I can't believe she's almost one. I remember how badly we wanted her and how hard we struggled to get her. And now she's here and she makes us so happy.

I can't believe I am going to be a mother of two. When did all this happen?

Scheduled the First Doctor's Appointment

I scheduled my first doctor's appointment for this new pregnancy! Going through this a second time feels so different mentally. I am just as excited, but it's just different. I don't have the same kinds of worries I did the first time. Partially because I have a better idea of what to expect and partially because I am too busy taking care of baby number one. I also just realized that Daddy Lua won't be able to make as many doctor's appointments because I have to go to the doctor while Baby Lua is at daycare, which means the appointments have to be earlier in the day, which means it will be a lot harder for my husband to leave work. I know he'll try, but it is really going to be a lot more difficult.

I have having to work. I said the same thing going through the first pregnancy, and that hasn't changed. I am actually dreading going back to work again. It's not that I don't want to be productive - I just wish I was doing something I liked more. I don't even know what that something is to be honest. I love the freedom my current role gives me to work from home, but I just hate the way things run at my job. Everyone is just a little too intense for me. Everyone works crazy hours for being in HR at a non-profit. I get that we are all focused on our mission, but I would still like to better separate myself from my job.

Anyway, I don't want to spend all my time talking about that. It's ridiculous that my job takes up so much of my mental energy. Instead, I'll wonder about how Baby Lua and Baby Hudson will get along. Baby Lua will be 20 months old when Baby Husdon is born - how will not being the sole center of attention affect her? Especially if Baby Hudson is a girl.

By the way, I am not finding out the sex of this baby. Right now, I don't think it would change our behavior much, so I think making it a delivery room surprise might be fun. It will be something to look forward to. I truly will be happy with either.

One other thing to note, I have been a little sick this past week. Baby Lua was sick, then Daddy got sick, so I"m guessing it's my turn. Daddy has been a lot sicker this time around - all I have is a stuff nose and general malaise, so I'm really not complaining. But I hope to get back to normal soon - I have a lot of work to do and not a lot of patience to do it, so not feeling well will only make that worse.

So tired

I'm not saying this is due to my being pregnant, but I am so tired. Maybe it's because we have a crazy 11 month old running around the house. She really enjoyed her first Christmas, as did me and Daddy Lua. I am going to try to use this to capture my thoughts and feelings through this pregnancy. I did a great job through the TTC journey with number 1, but now I am going to try to keep up with the journey with number two. But the only things I have to report right now is that I am super tired and super excited!

Expecting #2

I'm pregnant!!!!

Wondering if I am a good mother...

Baby Lua is 10 months old today! She is the most wonderful baby in the world as far as I am concerned. Daddy and I love her so completely, it scares me sometimes.

But after months of not posting anything, the thing that leads me to post now isn't how wonderful or beautiful or smart my daughter is - even though is is all of those things. It is how much of a total failure I feel like. I just don't think I'm a good mom. I'm not bad. I know my daughter is well fed and generally happy. But I just don't feel very successful at all.

One step closer...

I lost my mucus plug today at 8:15 AM. I won't mention any details, but I'm sure of what it was. I know it doesn't mean labor is imminent, but I do know that it means I'm one step closer to having this little lady enter my life. I am not quite at freak out status, but I'm getting there. I'm so nervous and excited!

9 months

It's been hard to get up the energy to write in this blog, especially since I know no one is reading it. I am officially in my ninth month and Baby Lua will be full-term in a week. I am both excited and afraid. What expecting first-time mom isn't?! I can't wait to meet this little girl who has been squirming around every night for the past few months. On the other hand, I am so nervous about the huge responsibility that is on my shoulders. She's OUR daughter. We will have such a huge influence on who she becomes (hopefully)! That's so scary.

I've been reflecting a lot on my relationship with my mother. I love her dearly, but we just aren't really what I would call "friends". We get along just fine, but I really don't go to her for advice about anything and I certainly don't share most of my innermost thoughts. What if my relationship with Baby Lua is like that? I would feel so badly.

 I guess it doesn't make sense to worry about all of that right now. Right now, I should be focusing on wrapping up everything I need for work, so that I can take maternity leave in peace. I don't know how I am going to get through 12 weeks of not working and get up the energy to go back to work. But I guess we'll see...