Adding something new

So,  I found something new to help pass the time until ovulation - Ovulation Predictor Kits! I would have purchased one that only has 7 tests, as I'm pretty sure I know around when I'm supposed to ovulate. Instead, I purchased the Daily Ovulation Test, which has 20 tests. You're supposed to use it the day after AF, so I'm starting a little late, but I think I'm okay. They track the LH surge right before ovulation, so maybe it will help me from stressing DH too much until the days when it's really important. Just knowing that I can track my fertility using another method makes me feel a little more in control and a little more active about the process.

That said, I am certainly enjoying a glass of wine every other night as a consolation prize for not conceiving this past cycle...

Happy Halloween!

A whole lot of nothing

That's what this time of the month feels like - a whole lot of nada. My body is in boring phase. Well, that's not completely true. It's doing something, but just not the something I want it to be doing, which is ovulating.

I'm trying

I'm trying very hard to be a good blogger. I know no one is reading but me and maybe my future child, but it still feels important for me to write and keep up with it. But I get so tired after 8pm. And it's currently after 8pm. So I'm not particularly feeling like writing anything...

But I am going to write anyway. AF has been far from normal this week. It lasted for about 2 days, and I have no idea whether it's something to be worried about now. I'll wait to see if everything else this month is normal. And whether I get pregnant this month. If I get pregnant, I won't worry about it at all!

I think I am more frustrated about not being pregnant than I first thought. Actually, it's not that I'm frustrated, it's just that I'm so not in control of the outcome. I hate spending 2 weeks of the month worried about whether and when I'm fertile and then another 2 weeks worried about whether I've conceived. And I've only done this for one month!! I need a hobby. Seriously.

Nothing doing

I really don't have much to write about today. I did have a nice glass of wine. Actually, I've had a nice glass of wine for the past 3 nights since AF has been in town. I won't mind stopping again, but it's nice to just be able to have a yummy cab.

I've been charting religiously, but it's not as much fun as it was the first month. The newness has worn off a little. The menses phase was not too exciting the first time around either, so maybe I'll get more excited as I get closer to ovulation.

I'm praying that I can have a child. I don't have a reason to believe that I couldn't, but I've been reading the stories of women who also thought the same thing and are still trying after years of TTC. I hoped I am blessed, but if I am not, I hope that I am able to handle it with as much strength and hope as others I've read about.

Until we talk again...

So tired...

I am so tired right now. I had a good day at work, cooked some great chicken sofrito and am going to bed at a reasonable time. I can't complain. But I am really so tired. I feel like I've been bit by the sleepy bee. It's not even 9PM, and I am having trouble keeping my eyes open. Part of it was getting up at 5:30AM - not my favorite time to get up.

But, I had better get used to being tired. I'm guessing getting 7 hours of sleep will be a luxury once we have children...

I told him

I told DH about my blog. He laughed, but I think he was secretly pleased. Or at least, I hope so.

I got a certificate!

I finished my charting course on Fertility Friend and got a certificate of completion! The test asked questions from the 20 FF lessons. I am pleased that I know so much more about my fertility. I can't believe all of the stuff I didn't know...

And now it's confirmed

I'm definitely not pregnant. AF is here. The good news is I am ovulating and charting is working. I am also Matron of Honor in my best friend's wedding in December, so I am glad that I won't have to worry as much about fitting into my dress! And I get to have a glass of wine tonight!

I was also a little worried about "getting the pills" out of my system. I've read that it's not really a problem, but I am really trying to think about all of the positive sides of this. Oh, and I can really use the next two weeks to lose a little more weight and keep up with P90X. And I an think of ways to tell my husband I'm pregnant around Thanksgiving in case we get that lucky. So I really have some good stuff to do before my next fertile window.

But I am a little sad that Baby Lua didn't pick this month to join us. Sad isn't even the right word. Maybe disappointed? I trust that (s)he will show up when we're supposed to add to our family, so I know now was not the time. 
 

I tested

Not pregnant. Now I am just waiting on the official word from my body.

Things I can do next week if I'm not pregnant

• Have a glass of wine
• Get invisalign braces
• Get a massage
• Workout extra hard
• Eat something naughty (well, I do this more than I should, but I'll feel less guilty if I know I'm not pregnant)
• Eat a hot dog
• Eat a medium rare steak
• Have another glass of wine
• Enjoy some sushi
• Use my new BBT thermometer

2WW is almost over

So, I'm on day 13 of the 2 week wait. In theory, I could take another pregnancy test tomorrow. But maybe I shouldn't bother. I mean, one of two things is going to happen in the next five days

1. I'll get my period or
2. I won't

If I get my period, fine. I'll deal. If I don't, taking a test tomorrow isn't necessarily going to tell me anything since I really don't know how long my luteal phase is. (It's my first month charting since being off of the pill.) Now, if I get to next Thursday without my period, that's a whole different story - then taking the test is a lot more exciting. I just don't want to waste mental energy taking the test if I can't rely on the results yet. But you know I will probably wake up tomorrow AM and do the exact thing I am really trying hard not to do.

The first test I took was really more of a joke. I knew it wouldn't show anything either way, but I just wanted to get that first test out of the way. I have two more tests that I can take this month, so I want to use them wisely.

Still no signs...

I'm at 17 points on the Fertility Friend Pregnancy Monitor. 17 out of 100. I know. I shouldn't think about it. But if I have to spend the next 12 months doing this, I had better get some hobbies. Obsessing about my stats is taking up so much of my mental energy. I'll feel better obsessing about getting ready for a baby when I am pregnant. But right now, I'm making myself crazy about something that might not even happen. That's the hardest part of it all. I just don't want to get my hopes up if it's not meant to be.

But please let it be meant to be...

Oh brother

I am so not motivated. I am having a much better day today, so I don't feel too badly. I am procrastinating a little bit though. I should be focused on the 47 things on my to do list, but instead I am looking at some of the baby blogs I'm interested in reading. So far, I've read about maternity clothes, first trimester screening and ways to discipline a toddler. Clearly these aren't things that should be top of mind. Perhaps I should consider just focusing on the 304 items in my e-mail inbox.

My head hurts

I am so stress-able. This is so bad for Baby Lua. I wish I weren't so obsessive about work, but I am. How can I get better at this? I sit here and stress about all of the things I need to get done and all the messages I need to send. This kind of thinking paralyzes me. I just obsess about all the things I should be doing instead of actually doing them. And then I get so angry with myself because I know I should be doing more than thinking. I make myself sick sometimes.

I am like 75% type-A. I do all the stressing and need for control, but I feel like I am missing something, namely the ambitiousness/competitiveness that gets things done. Instead of working like a madman, I just freeze up. I hate this about myself more than anything.

I worry that this will make me a very bad parent. What if I can't work up the mental energy to do all the things a mom is supposed to do to raise a healthy, happy child? You can't just put off changing a diaper, or taking the baby out to play. You can't put off doctor's appointments or extend naps. You have to be present for your child. But what if all I do is stress...about the baby, about work (or going back to work) or one of the number of things I tend to worry about? Or what if stress out so much that I can't even get pregnant?! You'd think that would make me stress less, but instead, it makes me stress out even more.

Okay, I just need to relax..

I cheated

I took a test. I know I shouldn't have, but I did. It was negative (of course). The bad thing is it doesn't necessarily mean anything. I took it way too early. So it could mean that I'm not pregnant or that I am. Great. I'm still feeling queasy and don't know why. I am going to assume that the test was negative because I'm not pregnant, and wait until my fertility friend testing date to try again. Or at least that's the plan. I may get greedy and try again on Saturday, which was my original decision. I just can't believe I cheated.

Well, I can believe it. I was in a good mood and feeling positive about life. That's why I felt like maybe I should just go ahead and take the test. Thankfully the test didn't get my spirits down. But it would have been nice to see a positive.

I know it's too early, but...

I love this Maria diaper bag from Mia Bossi. My best friend introduced me to the designer, and I fell in love with this bag. Thankfully it's not the same one she loves! I am pretty simple, so this simple design works for me.

Combatting Stress

I hate being stressed. I am a worrywart by nature, so I am usually stressed out. Today counts. Things at work are going haywire, partially because of me. I am such a procrastinator and a not great delegator. If I were better at delegating stuff, I could get some work off of my plate. Instead, I hold onto things until the last minute and then either try to do them myself, or give them to someone else without as much time for them to finish it. I just hate giving other people work to do - even my husband. (However, I find it easier to ask him to do thing than anyone else.)

As you can tell, work is something I spend a lot of time thinking about - even if I don't spend enough time doing it. I just have obsessive thoughts about a few items: work, getting pregnant and cooking (although not in that order). I'm done talking about work for now, so I'll move on to the point of this blog - talking about Baby Lua. I am not sure Baby Lua is in the works this month. I have been getting some slight cramps, similar to those I get before my period. The Pregnancy Monitor on Fertility Friend also has me at 25 points, so instead of my chances increasing, they're decreasing.

I am oddly okay with this. It's not that I don't want Baby Lua to get here as soon as possible. It's just that if Baby Lua wants to show up next month, that means I can have a few glasses of wine and get some dental work done. I'd gladly trade in wine and straight teeth for a son or daughter, but at least I have something to look forward to if Baby Lua decides now is not the time. I also have a few more weeks of possibly losing weight. I have been really trying to follow the exercise portion of the P90X program, so my health isn't getting worse. I haven't been following the eating portion, but DH and I try to eat reasonably six days out of the week. I am not really losing weight, but I am not putting any on either. Instead, I am slowly converting fat to muscle as shown by my bodyfat%. My BMI is still a little high, but at least I am more muscular.

Possible Implantation Dip

I'm on Tamiflu. I may have had H1N1, which isn't the most amazing thing ever. But, it makes me feel a litle better about not writing for a few days. I was really miserable for a while there. I'm still really congested, but I am not achy and tired like I was earlier.

But the real story today is the possible implantation dip that showed up on my chart. My temp was 98.3 two nights ago, 97.9 one night ago, and back to 98.3 last night. Now, if I can keep up the 98.3 temp or go higher, that might be a good sign. The Fertility Friend Pregnancy Monitor only has me at 36 points, but that could go up between now and my test date. My ticker from the Bump says I have 6 days until testing, but I have 11 days until testing at Fertility Friend. I am going to try my best to hold out until the 29th so I don't waste a test. But there is a real possibility that I may test once on the 24th or 25th as well. AF is scheduled to show up on the 25th, so maybe I'll hold out until then. It's hard to wait, though. But I know that testing early doesn't necessarily provide you with a real answer, so I am really, really going to try to hold out.

Instead of testing, I am going to just pay really close attention to my signs. I've been getting nauseous every day, but I know that's because of the Tamiflu. That stuff makes my stomach hurt. My breasts aren't tender. I've been tired, but that could be because I've been sick. I have to go to the bathroom a lot, but it's because of all the extra fluids I've been drinking. So I can't really say I feel very pregnant. But then again, I wouldn't "be" very pregnant either, so I shouldn't expect any symptoms.

One last, unrelated story.  My DH was using my computer last night and saw the link for this blog in my history page. He didn't click on the link when I was sitting there, but he did comment on it. I have a feeling he's going to pull up this page on his own time sometime soon. I hope he doesn't, as I want to share this with him when I'm ready. I couldn't be super mad at him though - it's a blog, so the general assumption would be that I don't care who reads it. And that's true - as long as I remain anonymous. So DH, if you're reading this, stop now and come talk to me. It's not that I don't want you to read it. It's that I want you to read it when I'm ready to have you engage. Reading this is kind of like reading my journal, and I know you wouldn't do that. I love you! (And for the record, there's nothing in here about you that's bad.)

Fertility Friend Pregnancy Monitor

Today the Fertility Friend website gave me a "score" on the likelihood of my being pregnant based on signs other pregnant women have input into the system. I currently score 37 out of 100 points. I can't put too much weight on this one way or another. I know it's not definitive, and I am potentially so early into pregnancy that I would be surprised if any signs showed up. So 37 out of 100 on day 5 seems to be pretty good in that light.

I am not worried too much about whether I am pregnant today. If it's supposed to happen, it will. I would love to meet Baby Lua in 9 months, but if it has to be 10 months or 20 months from now, I will be okay. And if Baby Lua isn't meant to be, I know I'll find a way to deal with that. But I'm hoping that a happy, healthy Baby Lua is in our future. DH would be so happy if I were to tell him I were pregnant, as would I...

Feeling Better

Wow - I can't tell you how much better I feel now. I'm still congested and exhausted, but my temperature is normal, and I no longer have the chills. I felt awful yesterday and was so miserable. It took all my energy to talk, much less get out of bed. But I used yesterday as a test. I figure when Baby Lua is here, I'll have to take care of him or her no matter how sick I am. So, while I was having chills and getting a higher fever, I decided to make short ribs so my DH would have something to eat when he got home. This required about 30 minutes of active preparation (browning the ribs, cutting up vegetables, making the broth, etc.). I was hurting pretty badly, but I pushed through. In my delerium, I forgot to add salt and pepper during one part of the process, but it all worked out. The ribs were still pretty good, and now I know I can push through being sick when I put my mind to it. But it certainly wasn't easy.

I hate being sick!

I suppose that's no different from anyone else, but I really hate being sick. Yesterday afternoon, I opened the doors just to get a little fresh air into the house. About 20 minutes later, I started sneezing uncontrollably. That continued until I took some Benadryl before going to bed. Then I proceeded to wake up every 2 hours or so because I couldn't breathe and my throat was killing me. Then this morning, I wake up to a low fever which continued to climb over the course of the day until it reached 100.5. I finally took some Tylenol, and that has helped the fever. But my body aches, and I just feel so run down. I am pretty sure I have some version of the flu. If my fever shoots up again, I may just go to the doctor. However, I'm not really sure they are going to be able to do anything, especially if this isn't the swine flu. My temperature just doesn't seem high enough.

What's funny is I really fought taking the Benadryl and the Tylenol because I am not sure whether I am pregnant yet. I read that Benadryl and Tylenol are okay for pregnant women, but I just don't want to do anything dangerous. DH thinks I am maybe worried too much, but I'd rather worry now. The last thing I want to do is hurt Baby Lua. I'd be willing to suck up being sick if I knew it would be better for the baby. That said, I really don't know whether I'm pregnant. But better safe than sorry, right?

Am I crazy for worrying about this so much? I  found myself worrying that being sick right now may prevent my getting pregnant because my body will realize its not feeling well and may decide now is not the best time. I will totally understand if this is the case, but why couldn't I have gotten sick 2 weeks prior, well before ovulation!?! I know, I know - there's nothing I can do about it. I'll just suck it up and keep a carton of tissues close at hand.

If October is the month...

I am going to tell my DH that I'm pregnant on Halloween. I'm thinking of doing something with the Trick or Treat theme. I could buy a card that says something like

Trick or Treat
Rub my feet
Give me something gross to eat

Are you confused?
I'll tell you why -
Baby Lua in July

Don't worry - I'm not married to the idea. It's just something I thought about this morning as I was thinking about the possibility that I am actually pregnant right now. I'm sure there will be several other posting ideas over time...

Ovulation Elation

Whoo hoo! My temp was 98.0 degrees this AM and that was enough to have Fertility Friend confirm ovulation for me. It looks like this past Saturday was the day and we've timed intercourse well enough to get a "good" score from the site. This means we've done what we could to help bring Baby Lua into the world, so now it's out of our hands. I am going to continue to take care of myself by working out and watching what I eat. (And by trying to stay happy and calm although that's hard sometimes.) Other than that's, I am just going to have to wait about 2 weeks to know something one way or another.

Since this is my first month off of the pill, and my first month charting, Fertility Friend is recommending that I wait until the 29th of October to test. I will try to wait that long for the first test but no promises. The good news is if I had to wait that long before AF arrived, that would be a good sign that I am pregnant. So part of me wants to wait it out. However, I also think I may just take one test when my ticker from the Bump says to take a test (on October 24th) if AF doesn't arrive before then. This way, if I test negative, I'll be pretty sure that I'm not pregnant and if I test positive, I'll know to stay vigilant. I can already see that I'll be spending quite a bit on pregnancy tests at this point. 

Mondays are not awesome

I don't like Mondays. I don't think this has always been the case - I'm guessing it started with my second week of kindergarten. (My first week I just didn't know what to expect.) Mondays have always been the hardest day for me. It's the idea that I have a whole week ahead of me full of potential headache and heart attacks. But that said, this particular Monday isn't awful. Some meetings got canceled and I am free after 1 PM my time. My manager is also on vacation, so that also frees up some time for me to catch up on everything I've been putting off.

I am looking forward to tomorrow.  If my temp stays the same or goes up just slightly, I will have confirmed ovulation and the countdown to testing officially begins. I am keeping my fingers crossed as I really hope to confirm that I am ovulating now that I am off birth control. I'll be even more excited if it turns out that I am pregnant, but I need to take it one day at a time. First things first...

One other thing I have been thinking about - what do I tell DH when I find out. I don't want give him the pregnancy test. I am really going to try to be more creative than that. I am also struggling with what to tell my mom and best friends. And then there's the Facebook posting that we'll have to come up with as well. I have a few ideas, but I'll share more when I actually have something to tell people. I don't want to put the cart too far ahead of the horse.

Is it getting hot in here?

My temperature is going up - I hope this means that I am well on my way to showing proof of ovulation. I have been forecasting some temperatures in Fertility Friend to see when my chart would show ovulation assuming my temps keep going up. If I can get two more increases, Tuesday would be the day. I am going to try to keep my excitement down because I know I could very well have an anovulatory cycle. But I am still going to hope for the best.

On a completely unrelated note, I love the weekends, but Sunday night makes me crazy. I get so anxious about all of the things that I didn't do that I was supposed to do. I worry about the meetings I have on Monday. And I know that the next weekend is so far away...I really think that if I could just be the kind of person that followed a schedule, I would be so much happier.

Waiting...

I don't know how I am going to pass the time until I actually conceive a child (If I am lucky enough to do so). But then I think about all of the women who have been trying for month and years. And the women who will never be able to have children. Or who are waiting to adopt. And then I take a deep breath, and put everything into perspective. I haven't been trying for a full month. So I have to find a way to keep my anxiety down. I don't want to obsess about having a baby. I want to be obsessive about my health and about being smart. But I don't want to go crazy about something I can't control.

No one knows that I am writing this. I haven't even told DH about this blog. I'm not really sure why. I not writing about anything secret. In fact, I think DH cares as much about this as I do. I guess just want to keep this for me right now. I think he might think that I am obsessing about Baby Lua. In a lot of ways, that's definitely true. I want to meet Baby Lua! But I don't think it's an unhealthy obsession. I am not losing sleep. I am able to function normally. That said, I am trying to do everything in my power to make Baby Lua's entry into the world happen as quickly and as awesomely as possible. I am working out, trying to eat well and taking my prenatal vitamins religiously. And as much as I miss red wine, I am going to stay away until I am breastfeeding or until I am confirmed unable to have a child.

I also wouldn't mind having twins. DH and I both want at least two children, but given the fact that I am over 30, I think 2 is really the limit for me. That's why having twins is attractive. I hope that I don't have to have any fertility treatments, but if I do, the potential of having twins is at least a plus.

Go EWCM!!

My fertility signs are all giving me the green light to try to conceive! I could barely contain my excitement. It's the first time since I've been charting that I really had clear signs that my body is actually planning on cooperating with my mind. Now, I just need my temps to increase over the next couple of days, and I will at least have confirmed that I had something that resembled ovulation. (I'm thinking I might not share this particular post with Baby Lua - It seems like it's a little much.)

As soon as I realized I was fertile, I ran downstairs to tell DH. He laughed at me, but he was clearly excited as well. We're going to try to have a nice date night (which is our regular Friday activity) and just relax. The one thing we don't want to do is get all caught up in the baby-making and forget about the love part. I don't want us so focused on having a baby that we lose each other in the process.

On a related note, I love Fertility Friend (www.fertilityfriend.com). I am on the site a few times a day just to track my information. The tools there are so helpful - reading through everything and taking the daily lessons make me feel like I do have some control, or at that I can influsence my odds of getting pregnant, even if only slightly.

Anyway, I have a busy work day ahead of me. I am on calls for the majority of the day and then have a doctor's appointment this afternoon. But at least I have the excitement that we might conceive this weekend to keep my spirits high. TGIF!!!!

Having a Great DH Helps

DH is home from a work-related trip, and while I was driving him home, he put his hand on my belly and said "how's 'Me'". "Me" is his nickname for Baby Lua. I laugh whenever he says that as I think the name is closer to "We" than "Me", but DH is so cute, so I let him get away with it. He knows that the chances of my being pregnant are slim, but I think it's his way of being excited about having a child. I give him a hard time every once in a while, but I think he's wonderful. It's so awesome to have a partner in this process. It makes life so much easier.

DH and I felt a connection from the first time we met. It's been so much fun being married. (We tied the knot this year.) I know it won't always be all fun and games, but I am going to enjoy the good times. We have only known one another for about two years, but we're both over 30 and feel pretty good about our lives prior to having met one another. I think that's important because we both felt like we were ready to settle down and start a family and not feel like there was all this "stuff" we had left to do. We've both been a lot places, have great careers and done a lot of crazy things in life. (Maybe I'll write about some of those crazy things sometime.

I don't think I'll ever get traffic to this blog, and that's how I like it. I am a pretty private person, so in some ways, it's surprising that I started this blog anyway. But I'm trying to keep enough stuff anonymous just in case anyone does happen to land on this site. I have always had this dream of writing things other people wanted to read, so I guess that's why I haven't hidden this blog from the world. But I am also well aware that over time, I will probably share some stories close to my heart. Therefore, for now, I'll keep some stuff private.

That said, I've decided that I am going to try to write as often as possible as if I am writing to you, Baby Lua. It's so much easier for me to write to someone special rather than writing to a general audience. I really, really hope that one day DH and I can bring you to life! We love you already!

Tired

I am one of those people who gets incredibly fatigued during times of stress. When things go crazy, I get sleepier and sleepier. I think I've trained myself to be this way because I used to be get so stressed out I couldn't sleep at night. Without sleep, my life just gets worse. So I thought it would be better if in times of stress I could still hold onto one thing that would help me keep some level of sanity. That's my eight hours of rest. Now, it doesn't completely work - I typically wake up every three hours or so. And I can't turn it off when I wake up. That means that I am exhausted for a good portion of the day as well. But at least I'm not worried about having a heart attack or anything like that.

What am I so stressed about? Well, work is driving me crazy. Not because work is crazy, but as I mentioned before, I am a procrastinator, so things sometimes catch up with me and I need to get a lot done in a small amount of time. But that's not the only thing. I am worried that I am not charting my BBT correctly. Because I don't sleep through the night, I end up charting around 4 AM, to give me the best chance of having three hours of sleep. I usually wake up for good around 5:30 AM, so if I charted then, I would only have 45-60 minutes of sleep.  So, I have been taking my temps in the early AM and just haven't seen any discernible pattern yet. I had a couple of erratic temps, and that's why my chart is off. But until I get confirmation that I ovulated, I guess I'll have to try my best to keep my stress in check. Since this is my first month of charting and my first month off of the pill, I just want to make sure that I am actually ovulating. I'd be elated if we were able to conceive this month, but if all I learn is I have a regular cycle with ovulation, I'll be happy.

Working Out

Okay, I am the first to admit I hate going to the gym (or even going upstairs for that matter). I am just not super excited about working up a sweat. I'd rather cook or read or stare into space. That said, I know getting in better shape can only be good for Baby Lua, so I have started working out on the P90X program. It's going well so far. I've completed my second week and if nothing else, I feel really good about the fact that I've completed two weeks. I'm more flexible and I know my muscles are getting stronger. I am not following the eating portion. DH and I try to just eat sensibly for 6 days of the week and use day 7 to get our cravings out of the way. It seems to work (i.e. we aren't gaining any weight).

It's just so hard to stick to a routine sometimes when you're tired or just want to be doing something else. I know I am always looking for reasons to not do something that I feel is boring or hard. However, now that I am really trying to focus on having a child, I am somehow finding the energy to do things I would have had a hard time doing before. I keep reminding myself that this will be good for me and therefore would be good for the baby. I just wish I didn't need that external reminder/push to do things. Why can't I just be one of those people who have all of this internal motivation to get things done? My DH certainly does. I envy that about him. He just knows what he has to do and gets it done. I'm hoping that some of that will rub off on me. Even now, I am sitting here procrastinating. I have a bunch of things to finish for work and for my personal life, but instead I am sharing my thoughts with anyone who will listen about how I know I need to be doing something else. I'm such a classic procrastinator.

The funny thing is, as long as I am working on something (e.g. sharing my thoughts via this blog, which is an accomplishment in itself), I feel like I am being productive. In some ways, I think it's worse than doing nothing because I am psyching myself into a false sense of achievement. It will all catch up with me someday. But for now, I'm happy hitting the "Publish Post" button and moving forward one goal - documenting my life as I work towards becoming a mother.

The TTC Ticker

I love the little tickers I find all over the web. They make me smile. I also feel like I have more control over things because I have a "to do" in 15 days. I think it makes not being able to completely control when (or even whether) I get pregnant.

Is it November Already?

No, I guess it's not. But DH and I made a decision over the weekend to start TTC now! We're both really feeling good about where we are in life and with each other and figured another month wasn't going to make the difference either way, so why not start now?! The decision was well-timed - I'm hoping to receive good news in the next couple of weeks. But if not, it's okay. I know our chances to conceive in any given month are pretty small, so I don't want to get too worked up - especially since this is our first time trying.

That said, I thought I would be completely psycho about my eating once we made the decision, but that hasn't happened. I do make sure to avoid any caffeine, and I stopped drinking as soon as we made the decision to try. (I am going to miss my red wines!!) But I really thought I would start watching every little morsel that went into my mouth. Instead, I just find that I try not to eat anything I know wouldn't be good for a baby. Now, this is 2 days into our decision, so how many food changes can I really talk about making? But it's nice to know that I am at least thinking about the right kinds of things.

So, wish us luck! And if no baby this time around, at least we are having fun trying.

November is swiftly approaching

We've decided that we are going to actively try to conceive our child beginning in November. I can't believe how excited and anxious I am at the same time. DH and I are recently married and wanted to spend some time together as a couple before adding to our family. But now we feel ready (whatever that means).

So...I have begun charting my fertility stats to increase our chances of conceiving sooner rather than later. I felt a little odd at first, because I really felt like getting pregnant is something that would just happen. But I've read enough books, magazines, website and blogs to know that it doesn't always work that way. I'm over 30 now, so I am going to need all the help I get. I know there are women much older than I who have no fertility issues and women younger that do. So I don't want to take any chances.

Welcome

I am new to blogging but certainly not new to telling the stories of my life to anyone who wants to listen. I am writing the story of my journey to motherhood. My hope is that one day I can share this blog with my future son or daughter (aka the future Baby Lua).