Last day of January

It's the last day of January. I'm happy for that. I'm glad to have made it through month 1 of 2010. My temps are slightly down today. It's not a good or a bad thing. It's just a fact I thought I'd mention. I did, however, have a lot of pressure in my stomach. I guess I was just bloated. I rarely feel like that, so it was weird. I also felt nauseated at times today. All good more positive signs than negative. The Early Pregnancy Signs Estimator on FF gave a me a score of 37 points today. My highest score so far has been a 43 according to my notes on the blog - that sounds about right. I'm hoping to blow that score away, but to be honest, I don't care about the score as much as I care about a BFP on February 10 (or sooner depending on what my chart says). I know I said I was going to wait until my FF testing date, but if i get a clear sign that my chart is significantly different from past charts (e.g. temps above 98.4, temp rise after day 12, clear implantation dip), then I may test earlier. I just want to make sure that I don't drive myself crazy waiting to test, if I have a good indication that I may get confirmation that Baby Lua has entered the world.

One other small thing to mention. I went for a 30 minute walk today. I felt good doing it. My legs itched like crazy when I got back to the house, but I did feel good getting out of the house and doing something good for my body.

Did I mention that I'm feeling really good about this cycle?

I'm thankful for: Fertility Friend. I love being able to track my cycles from month to month. I also learned a lot about fertility from the site. It's been such a useful tool as I've gone through the process.

Just passing time

I don't have anything interesting to report today. My temperature went up to 98.14 today, which is great for this point in the cycle. I'm not at the point where I would be analyzing symptoms or looking for an implantation dip. I am just living day by day and trying to stay as positive as possible.

I'm thankful for: Patience. At any time during the 2WW, patience is really important. I haven't always had it, but I think I have it right now. I'm not feeling particularly anxious about the wait, even though I'm still 10 days away from testing. Let's hope it stays this way - particularly when my temps continue to go up and up!

Not sure what's on my mind

I don't have much to write about today. I am on CD14 and most likely 2DPO. I'll be sure tomorrow after I take my temperature. I'm guessing it will be above 98.0 (as it was 97.9 today). I am in a fine mood - nothing too happy, nothing bad. Just steady. Work was fine. Home is fine. I did some light pilates. I didn't eat super poorly, but I didn't eat super well either. I am just moving along.

DH is working more these days. He's been out of town for almost 2 weeks and now he's going to be home late tonight. It's not great. I just feel a little distant from him. I love him tons, but we haven't really clicked since he's been home. It was great the first night. But we just haven't been able to spend a lot of quality time together since. But maybe tonight will be different.

I'm thankful for: The CBEFM. I wouldn't know when to try to conceive without it. My cycles are so regular that I would only know from temping and i would have missed this last ovulation because my CM wasn't well aligned. I had my first fertile CM the evening that I ovulated.

Tired but happy

I am super tired today. I think it's because DH came home. I just need to readjust to his being around. It's not a bad thing - just a different thing.

Today is CD13, and I'm pretty sure I ovulated yesterday. We were able to BD last night, and we used Pre-Seed, so I'm hoping that was what we needed. He didn't have enough energy to BD this AM - the jet lag and travel was too much. I had some watery CM last night and today and that pretty much confirms that I ovulated. So I am going to hope that this time was THE time.

I'm thankful for: A positive attitude. I know it doesn't "fix" anything but being able to stay positive in tougher situations is really a blessing. I am always trying to find the good in something because I think it just makes me feel better. It also prevents tons of stress. So my positive attitude for today is to keep remembering that one time BDing is all we need! This is the month!!

I love life

I'm so happy right now. DH is on his way home!! He'll be here in about 3 hours.  I have to clean up a few things, hop in the shower and hurry up and wait. Then, we'll be on our way to creating Baby Lua!

One breath at a time

The day is trying to get on my nerves, but I am not going to let it. Work is challenging, but it will all work out. I hate it when I talk about work on the blog. It is an important part of my life, so it makes sense that I do. But I don't really want to be thinking about work when I am supposed to be focusing on my personal life in this blog. So, I am doing some deep breathing and just thinking positively.

DH comes home today!! He'll be here in less that 12 hours. I started smiling just writing that. I am so happy he's back in town. I miss him. 10 days is a really long time. He'll be gone again in a next week, but at least I'll have him through the weekend. And then I'm out of town in late February, but I will be pregnant by then, so I won't have to worry about timing my trip.

My mom told me she had a dream about my being pregnant. She has never told me anything like that before. I believe it to be a good sign. I think our timing this cycle is going to work out. I feel so good about it. As all my internet friends keep telling me "it only takes one time". And tonight could be that time! It would be so cool to be able to pinpoint when it happened. That would be such a good story to tell Baby Lua.

Well I have to get back to work. I'll end this here with good thoughts and will update you all tomorrow with even better thoughts!

I'm thankful for: Working from home. Being able to work from home has significantly changed my life. I don't get as stressed. I always get enough sleep. I cook meals for me and DH most nights. We can go to the movies after work if we want. I can get errands done. It's like I get 3 hours back in the day because I don't have to commute and think about what to wear and all the other things people have to do when they work in an office. Don't get me wrong - I did enjoy the day-to-day interactions with people. But if that's all I have to give up to be able to work in a way that's comfortable for me, I'm happy. I get to have two computers on, the TV on in the background and just do what I need to do to be productive. It doesn't get any better than that (except to win the lottery of course - which I'm working on).

Twice in one day?

Some days I neglect to post at all but not today. I'm posting twice!

I am really quite tired. I was up early for a call, but tomorrow doesn't start as early. I have to take an 8AM call, but that is much better than the 6AM call I had this morning! But work isn't worth chatting about today.

I just told DH that I wasn't fertile. I think it makes him feel better about DTD. He feels so pressured when I'm close to ovulating. And I think that's fair. But I also think it just makes sense to do what we can to get pregnant. He just said he doesn't like to feel "micromanaged" when it comes to sex. I think that's unfair. We're not young, but he just discounts the age thing. It's not quite annoying, but I do wish we were on the same page. I wish he would just agree that it's a good idea to do what we can to make this happen. I don't think he's against having children or that this is some subconscious rebellion. I think he just believes that no matter what "nature will take it's course" and we shouldn't do anything special. I just think that's nonsense on some level. So I think we've reached a somewhat happy medium. I'll keep checking my stats and will try my best not let on when I'm fertile.

Well, the good news is I have his mind set for some quality BD time tomorrow and Wednesday AM. I'm KMFX!!

I'm thankful for: Having enough energy to post again today! I really want to keep up this habit of writing. If I ever expect to write a book, this is good practice. BTW, I really enjoy the "I"m thankful for" section. It forces me to center on something positive no matter how I am feeling.

Quick update

I don't plan on making this my main post of the day, but I wanted to give you a brief update. I get the "egg" on my monitor this morning, which means I am most fertile. This is good news. DH is coming home tomorrow so we probably have a 12 hour window of DTD this month. I know he is going to be so tired when he comes home, but I'm praying that he has enough energy to bring Baby Lua to life!

The only thing is I haven't had any EWCM. I'm guessing part of it is I'm dehydrated. I am also not feeling well today. My stomach has been bothering me this morning. It's a really good thing I have PreSeed. I plan on using it tomorrow night, even if I do get some EWCM tomorrow.

I'm thankful for: Having 2 computers. It means I can update my blog here while checking work email. Or I can sign on to an online meeting full screen on one computer and take notes on the other. Technology rocks.

Positivity

I am feeling so good today. I got a lot done. I washed my car, bought some wine glasses (for about 2 years from now after I have a baby and finish breast-feeding), got a great foot massage at a new spa and organized some stuff in my kitchen. I am miles away from where I felt yesterday morning. I know that I have to continue to stay in a positive and thankful frame of mind. I find it's so easy to get caught in a negative spiral. I have to remind myself that these small perceived setbacks, might actually be blessings in disguise.

Case in point, yesterday's meltdown. I flew off the handle worrying about the fact that the CBEFM had a high reading. Well, it turns out that I had a high reading today and could very likely have two more high readings before I get a peak. It means that I haven't ovulated yet. Which is great since DH isn't here. But I went ballistic thinking I had missed my chance. But even getting that upset was good for me. I get stay pretty tense and sometime a good cry just relaxes me and helps me to "reset". I have felt so much better since then.

This week I am going to focus on relaxing and putting myself in the best mood to BD with my DH. I do think being completely into it instead of making it a duty will be much better for conception. I really feel good about our chances this cycle. I feel like I say that a lot, but it doesn't hurt to feel good.

CD10 today - very little CM and my temps are staying pretty low (97.5).  No complaints on this end. Just patiently awaiting the return of DH and the peak reading on my monitor so I know to kick the love-making into high gear! Even without a peak reading, DH and I are going to have to spend some quality time together. It's been way too long!

I'm thankful for: the ClearBlue Easy Fertility Monitor. Using it along with temping has made me more comfortable that I am actually ovulating and has helped me feel better that we're BD'ing at the right time for conception. I know there is something to be said for relaxing and letting nature take it course. But I still think that's what I am doing. Nature is the only way I am going to get pregnant naturally. All I'm doing is making sure I'm doing my part.

Come home DH! I miss you =)

I wish I could make him understand

I am trying really, really hard to be positive. I am. But it's hard. I have been crying for the past 10 minutes because I just don't know what to do. My monitor gave me a "high" reading today and I have tons of EWCM. I just don't have my husband in town to do anything about it. Which means we are going to miss a month. Which means that I have to wait another 25+ days just to try again. And guess what - I'll be out of town next month during my fertile phase. Which means we can't try again until March. Which means it will be my last chance of having a baby in 2010. Which means if I want more than one child, I have to have a child after 35, which I really didn't want to do. And all of this is assuming we're even going to be able to have kids. Which I don't know.

This is just so hard. Part of me wants to stop thinking about it. To just give up and let the chips fall where they may. But then I think my chances are worse. Because at least now I am doing everything I can to maximize my chances. If I just give up, I may not be giving myself a fighting chance. Which I guess is what giving up is.

I'm sorry. I know there are women who are going through much worse. So I am thankful for ovulating regularly and having a DH who wants to have a child. I am just having a rough patch today.

************
Well, I just took a moment to do some research. Maybe what I had was some seriously sticky CM which means I'm not quite fertile yet. I thought it was EWCM, because there was so much of it in a blob. But when I started to really think about it, I think it might have been sticky CM. Which means that I am probably going to ovulate in 3-4 days. Which would mean a Tuesday or Wednesday ovulation. Which would be a good thing. So I am going to continue to pray about it and try my best to be positive. I haven't given up hope. But I needed a few minutes to pull myself together.

I'm thankful for: The Internet. I mean, here I was having a mental breakdown, and all I had to do was search for cervical mucus to learn that I might have actually been experiencing sticky mucus and not EWCM. Only the next few days will tell. But I have my positive hat back on after a brief setback. So thank you internet, for letting me get information and for hosting this blog, so I have somewhere to share my thoughts!

Getting things done

I am so excited - I got so much work done today. This always happens when DH is gone. I just get a lot done.

I am so happy it's Friday. I am going to get so much done this weekend. Tomorrow I am planning on taking myself out to breakfast for some french toast (which is probably my favorite thing to eat). Then I am going to get my hair done and at some point I'll get a mani-pedi. Part of me thinks I should just go first thing in the morning for my nails, so I don't have to wait. A lot of people are going to want to get outdoors tomorrow since it's been raining here all week. I don't want to have to wait forever if a ton of people come outdoors.

CD8 - no sign of fertile CM (yippee)! I figured out that once I get sticky CM, I tend to ovulate about 4 days afterward. So, I don't want to see sticky CM until Monday for  a Friday O day.

I'm thankful for: Fertility Friend. Fertility Friend is really where I started to learn about all things related to getting pregnant. I thought I knew all about "the miracle of life", but I really learned a lot taking their charting course. I feel like having that knowledge really helped me feel more in control of this process. I know I don't ultimately control whether I get pregnant. But it helps to know that the things I can be in control of. I take my temperature regularly and finally understand more about my body. With all this knowledge and a bit of a blessing, I am feeling great about our chances of getting pregnant this month.

It's almost Friday

I like Fridays. They are filled with possibility. Even weekends like this, when DH is out of town, are still filled with exciting opportunities that are just waiting to be found.

Thursdays, like today, are a little different. I can always find a lot of energy on Thursday because I know Friday, and hence the weekend, are just hours away. They don't have the same level of excitement as Friday have, but they're still pretty good.

It's CD7, and things are just moving along. My CM is dry, and I couldn't be more thrilled. DH is back in 5 days, so I need my O day to hold off for about 7-9 days. I want every chance to conceive this cycle, so I don't want my fertile period to start until DH is home. Granted, it only takes one time to create a child - but I want as many shots at that one time as I can get!

I had a setback today. Whenever DH is out of town, my eating and working out habits suffer seriously. I think it's because I'm sad. But when he leaves, I just can't get up the energy to workout or cook or anything. I get more work done, which is nice. But it's like the rest of my life suffers. I think it may be because when I'm hear alone, I go back to the person I was before I met DH. Before I met him, I worked all the time, didn't work out, and ate horribly. And I had convinced myself that I was happy. Once DH and I got married and started our life together, I've had a lot more energy/desire to take care of myself.

I think I need to just focus on Baby Lua. I can't eat whatever I want or be lazy when I'm pregnant. I am going to have to eat right and workout, at least some, while carrying a child. I've been able to cut out alcohol and avoid caffeine during the 2WW without a thought, so maybe I just need to pay more attention to my body and treat it as if I were pregnant all of the time. Maybe that's part of being positive and believing what I want will come to me. If I truly believe I am going to be pregnant, I should be treating my body that way.

I'm thankful for: Windows. Windows can keep out the world on days when I couldn't care less whether it's day or night or whether it's sunny or cloudy. And on days when I want see the world, windows allow me to do that while keeping cool or warm in the comfort of my home. I like it when it's so sunny outside that I don't need to turn on the lights in my office. I just open the shades and let the sunlight stream through onto my desk. And on days when it's cooler outside, but the sun is out, I love that warmth that comes through the window to warm my face. I know it a little weird to have chosen windows as something to be thankful for, but I am really trying to appreciate all things in the world, not just to obvious.

It's raining

It's been raining every day since my DH left town. We even had 2 tornado warnings yesterday. I wasn't thrilled, especially since tornadoes are one of those things that I am absolutely afraid of but love to look at. It ended up just being windy and rainy, but it still added some excitement to a rather steady day.

I was giving some thought to being a baby planner but just found out that it's being done quite well by The Baby Planners in LA. They are a a duo with 25 years of TV experience between them and their site shows that they are getting some press around what they do. I got discouraged. They just know what they are doing and are probably making some serious money doing so. I just need to find something to do that I could be good at and make some money while enjoying it and working from home. I know the business is out there, I just want to figure it out now, so I can get started. I was getting the feeling that it could be baby planning because I have been spending so much time learning about having a baby. But the more I think about it, I'm not sure it's baby planning I'm interested in. I like reading about this stuff, but I'm not sure I want to be involved in research on recalls, or helping someone choose a theme for their nursery.

I'm on CD6 with nothing special to report. I was so nauseous for a moment today. I know it's not because I'm pregnant, but it made me think that morning sickness might be a not so fun thing (insert sarcmark here). My CBEFM gave me a low reading and my temps are charting in what is showing up as a normal pattern for me. So I have nothing to worry about. I am going to ovulate next Thursday or Friday, so DH and I are going to have plenty of work to do before then.

Oh! I also bought some Pre-Seed. I think DH was a little disappointed as he's worried that I am not getting excited enough, but that's not it. I don't drink a lot of water and I'm afraid that perhaps I don't have enough CM to create the best environment for sperm to survive. I do get EWCM every cycle, but only for a short period of time and not a lot of it. So the Pre-Seed should help. I'm looking forward to trying it out. I know I've said this before, but I really think this is the month. I'm excited, and I'm keeping my fingers crossed...

I'm thankful for: My ability to work from home. While I do miss daily interaction with people in person, I don't miss the commute, the noise, the "walk by" visits from co-workers, the eating lunch out every day, the face time, the not being able to run errands when you need to, the getting dressed in work clothes when all you want to wear are pjs, etc. Working from home has allowed me to work during the times I'm most productive in the ways that are most helpful (with the TV on, on the porch in the sun, etc.). And it's so nice to be able to take a call and throw clothes in the laundry, or to get a manicure at 3:00 PM because it's 6:00 PM at my place of work.

Bring me more good stuff

I bought myself some time today. I am thrilled about that! I haven't done much with the extra time, but that's okay. I am going to do something with it shortly. Tomorrow isn't an awful day, and I can handle it. I can handle it! I have to check my lottery ticket - like I said, I know it's a winner, so I need to know how much I won.

I have been feeling very achy today. Not really crampy. Just achy. It's mildly annoying. I don't know why. I think it's just my ovaries producing some viable eggs. Some really strong, viable eggs, one or two of which will be ready to meet some strong and viable sperm in about a week or so. We are going to conceive a child this cycle. I think a Valentine's BFP is perfect!

I'm thankful for: Skype! Wow, I can't say enough about Skype today. With my DH out of the country, it's so nice to be able to see him and talk to him for FREE every night. He's about 8 hours ahead of me, so I get to talk to him when he wakes up and before he goes to bed every single day. We even keep it on while he's sleeping so if he wakes up in the middle of the night, he can look over at his computer screen and see me working or watching TV or whatever. He just woke up a few minutes ago and just said "hi" and now he's asleep again. It's almost like he's just in another room. It has made his time away so much more bearable. We can just leave the call open and go about our normal activities and it really feels like he's around.

That said, I still can't wait for him to come home next week. Only a week left...

It's going to be a great day

It's almost 2:30 PM here, and I STILL haven't gotten started on all that work I've been mentioning. And today is the last day to get it done. But I am still hopeful that the spirit will overtake me, and I'll get a bunch of stuff done. It could happen. Seriously, it could. It will.

It WILL. I have to keep remembering to be positive. It's not easy, especially when I feel the walls closing in on me. But they're not closing in. It just looks that way. But this whole being positive - believing positive - is a new thing for me. I even have to think about how I write this because sometimes I want to say one thing, but I know it's not writing with a positive spirit. I think it's going to make this blog less interesting, because I think people want to see the negative stuff. It's actually what comes easier to me. But if I am going to fully sign on to trying to change my life for the better, I have to try. I have to make an honest effort. And so, this is my honest effort at expecting the good things to come my way.

I bought a lottery ticket today. It's a big winner. I feel it.

And as I mentioned, I am trying to remember to add a "thankful" note at the end of every entry, so here goes...

I'm thankful for: My new mattress. I had been complaining to my DH for a while now about our old mattress. He bought it a number of years ago, and I'm guessing it was an active part of his single life. Now that we're married, I felt it was time to retire his trusty tool and get a brand new, fresh mattress for the house. Last weekend, we went to the store, picked one out (with a nice pillowtop) and it was delivered on Saturday. It's perfect. It's super comfortable, but we've haven't tested it out yet as he's out of town currently. But I think it'll be a great place for us to try out for our Halloween baby.

For the record I should say I'm thankful for my DH, but then I'd just end up writing that every single day. He's pretty great.

Thinking about trying something new

I am going to see whether I can hold off testing until February 14th (depending on when I ovulate). First of all, testing too soon is just annoying. I know why I do it, but I just don't think it's a good idea. I spend a lot of money and testing more often doesn't increase my chances of getting pregnant. Second, I need to trust the process. I am living as if I am pregnant, so it's not like testing earlier is going to help me make different decisions. From the fertile phase to the beginning of AF, I don't drink alcohol or anything with caffeine. I eat my meat cooked. No matter what, I am taking my prenatal vitamins, working out and eating well (for the most part). And third, testing early leads to more testing early. A negative test makes me think even harder about when I can test again to see if the negative is still negative. It's ridiculous. Again, I know why I do it, but it just doesn't make it any smarter.

That said, if my testing date according to fertility friend is before Valentine's Day, I reserve the right to take a test on the FF testing date or later. But what I am trying to hold myself to is really not testing before the test date. So that means I am going to have to avoid all of the POAS parties. Or perhaps join a POAS party for 2/14 and keep my word to myself.

Actually, I'm thinking about starting a Valentine's Day POAS party. It's a little early to do that, but I think it might be fun, and it might keep me from testing too early. But I think I am going to wait until my O day so that I can really know what day would be best. I'll just keep looking around for now and will figure this all out soon enough.

Anyway, I am going to try to end each post with at least one thing I am thankful for. Today, it is for my DH. He's awesome.

Feeling pretty good

I am in a better mood today than I was yesterday. I am thrilled it's the weekend. I still have a lot of work to do, but everything is better when it's Friday - especially when Monday is a holiday. Don't get me wrong. I have a lot of work to do this weekend. But it doesn't take away from the fact that it's Friday night and technically I am not required to work. Whoo hoo!

I think this month is going to be the month we get pregnant. I feel so positive about our chances. I think it's important to stay positive and to feel good about the process. I just have to keep believing that it will happen, and it will. We both want a child so badly. Seriously. And we know that Baby Lua is coming. So we are just praying that he or she gets here this month! An October baby would be so much fun. And I really want to give birth in 2010 so we can work on #2 quickly. 2 under two wouldn't be the worse thing ever.

Anyway - here's to Friday and to getting pregnant in January!

Starting over

AF is here. I am behind schedule with basically all my projects. It's 7 PM. Which means I probably have about 2-3 hours of energy left in me. And I have about 10-12 hours worth of work to do before last week. I am sad, frustrated, excited, anxious and overwhelmed.

Well, now I have about 1-2 hours of energy since I just blew an hour away playing video games. What the heck is wrong with me? I was doing so well earlier...I cleaned up a lot, straightened things up. I organized a lot. I kept my e-mail to a minimum. I didn't spend a lot of time on Baby Center. But I still managed to not get the stuff done I needed to. I even got an hour or so of sun this afternoon. I felt like I had so much time. And then I end up with none. I'm tired and just want to go to sleep.

I'm actually excited about trying again this month. I am sad that we didn't conceive last month, but it's okay. We'll just try again. I know we'll get pregnant. I know we well. So what if last month wasn't it. That just means this month is.

An October baby would be a good thing. I would have to use less vacation days because I would get winter break as part of my maternity leave. I wouldn't be too pregnant in summer, so I wouldn't be super hot. The baby wouldn't share his or her birthday with any gift giving holidays. And if the baby comes early, he or she won't have to share his or her birthday with Halloween. But I wouldn't care if the baby had to share his or her birthday with Christmas - as long as the baby his healthy and happy, we can get through it all.

Well, I need to get to work.

BFN - Again

So, I tested for like the fifth time this week, and the test was negative. I am supposed to see AF tomorrow, but I usually start spotting the day before. That isn't happening. I am still holding out some hope that I am pregnant, even though the test doesn't say yes. My temps are in line with other cycles, but my coverline is much lower this cycle. I hope that's significant. I really wanted to get pregnant in 2009...

Tested again

It was negative again. I haven't given up hope yet. But it's still really annoying.

I have pains that feel like gas pains, but I don't think they are. It would have been great to get a positive test this AM - I would be less annoyed by my pains. But I didn't, so I am not feeling great about the fake gas pains. Who knows - maybe they are gas pains. But they don't feel great, and I don't know how to get relief.

The other 2 things making me not feel awesome are my temps (holding at 97.97, which is higher than I've ever been at this point in my cycle, but not triphasic or anything like that) and cramps. I have been having cramps on and off since this AM.

I'm procrastinating again. Great...

What to do?

I am not sure how I am feeling today. I tested last night (of course), and the test was negative (no surprise since it's only 10 DPO). My temps aren't high, but they aren't low either. I am in 2WW limbo land. I have been avoiding my chat boards because I just don't have the energy to engage in the way I would like with all of the women experiencing the ups and downs of TTC right now. I don't think that's fair. Just reading that last sentence has made my decision for me. As soon as I am done with this posting, I am going to the Baby Center boards and will write to all the women there - good or bad. I don't want to live with this spirit of cocooning myself from the world when I am stressed, or hurt, or worried. I want to live with a giving and thankful spirit. It's so much more pleasant.

Oh Baby Lua, won't you come home?

Still waiting

So, I am 10 DPO and have no news to report. I tested yesterday and received a BFN. But what did I expect at 9 DPO. I think I am going to try to hold off testing until 12/13, which is "Make your dreams come true" day and "blame somebody else" day. I'm expecting it to be a make your dreams come true day for me. The only question I have for myself is am I going to be able to wait it out. I want to test right now. And I am going to want to test tomorrow. And every other day between now and the 13th. We'll see. I held off testing today and feel pretty good about that.

I'm ready for a nap...

Procrastinating

Yet again. I know I shouldn't. But I am. I keep searching for TTC related stuff on Google. I know all I need to know about traveling with babies but have yet to meet any deadlines for work. My husband would say it's because I am obsessing about being pregnant. I would say it's because I am avoiding work, and this is as interesting a topic as any.

I will get some work done. Just after I go to CVS to pick up some First Response Early Result oval-window pregnancy tests to fulfill my need to test this week. I haven't done that before, but I've decided that I want to this month. I want to get the "positive" as soon as humanly possible!

100 things to be thankful for

In no particular order (except for #1)

1. Having an amazing husband
   
2. My friends
3. My family
4. My health
5. My nails
6. My patience
7. My home
8. My iPod
9. My Kindle
10. My Mac
11. My cookbooks
12. My Kitchen Aid mixer
13. My attitude (most of the time anyway)
14. My eyemask
15. My smile
16. My ability to get over things
17. My ability to be optimistic, even when things don't look like they're going well.
18. My blog
19. My excitement around TTC
20. Fertility Friend
21. Baby Center
22. Being a Maid/Matron of Honor
23. Being a wife
24. Amazon
25. UPS
26. Ruby's Cinnamon Roll French Toast
27. Banana Creme Muscle Milk
28. 100 calories pack of Craisins and Chessmen Cookies
29. Lawry's Caribbean Jerk Seasoning
30. E-mail
31. iTunes
32. Babies
33. The Shopper application on my iPhone
34. Being employed
35. Working from home
36. California Sunshine
37. No commute
38. Frequent flier miles
39. My porch
40. The island in the kitchen
41. Having a space for all my things
42. My friends' understanding and acceptance of who I am
43. Keeping a positive attitude about TTC
44. Getting what I need
45. Having a great team of people working with me
46. Getting 8 hours + of sleep regularly
47. Finding a workout I can stick to
48. Eating better and not feeling the craving to eat worse
49. Gilt Groupe
50. Rue La La
51. Ideeli
52. The Greek place near my house
53. That my husband is friends with my friends
54. That I like my husband's friends
55. Holidays
56. Traveling
57. Financial security
58. A good sense of humor
59. David Sedaris
60. Stephen White
61. My wedding gift
62. Having all of my family and friends at my wedding
63. My husband's thoughfulness
64. Our big, comfy couch
65. Tivo
66. Bejeweled
67. Frequent flier status
68. American Express
69. Facebook
70. An ability to type rather quickly
71. Having lots of love in my life
72. Liking to drink water
73. Recycling
74. Not really working on weekends
75. Weekends
76. Vacations
77. Having a list of places I want to visit someday
78. Having a list of places I wanted to visit and did
79. Not being addicted to TV
80. Being able to get things done, even when I procrasinate
81. Always trying to see the best in people
82. My tickler file
83. My dining room table
84. My car
85. My husband not working too far from home
86. Postcards
87. Learning something new all of the time
88. InStyle magazine
89. Lucky magazine
90. Google
91. Having a family calendar
92. Planning meals
93. Being able to stop working around 4 pm
94. Not minding starting work at 7 am
95. Having enough time to workout in the morning
96. The Getting Things Done methodology
97. Having a new last name that I love
98. Having a partner who indulges my silliness
99. Time
100. Love
     

Changing the blog

So, I am changing the blog a little bit. I will still have plenty of TTC and then Pregnancy stuff here, but I have to take the "for baby's eyes" filter off. It has made me not want to post some things because I don't think I want Baby Lua to see it all. But I've been thinking, and I just don't think that's the best way for me to get my thoughts on electronic paper. I need to be able to say what's on my mind. I can worry about what's right for Baby Lua (who would be Adult Lua by the time I would let him/her read it) when I decide to share it with him/her. So, welcome to the the new format!

I don't have anything interesting to report based on the new change. It's not that I was holding something specific back. Or I haven't been today. Maybe a few days ago when I was super frustrated with the whole BD thing. I was feeling the pressure of having sex, as was my husband, and it just didn't seem fair. And then it sometimes makes me not want to have sex when we're not doing it for conceptions sake. It's like the fun was sucked out of it all. I hope that this changes going forward, because I don't want DH and I to have issues.

I have been a little crampy and nauseous today. It's not bad, but it's annoying. I won't mind when I get a BFP, but it's not so much fun now. I am only 7 DPO but have been having this incredible desire to test. I mean, I am so close to running to CVS to buy a handful of pregnancy tests so that I can test every morning between 8 DPO and 18 DPO. That's a lot of testing! The idea would be that I wouldn't need that many, but that it's always good to be prepared.

I don't know where this desire is coming from. Normally, I can just suppress it. Maybe it's because I don't want to do any work. Or maybe it's because I feel so great about my chances this cycle. I think this is the one. I said I wanted to get pregnant in 2009 and this would still count. So I think I am just looking for confirmation that it happened. I will be so freakin' excited when I get my BFP.

On an unrelated note, I have started eating better and am working out again. This is different from the last time I was working out. I have just decided to get in better shape this time vs. feeling like I have to support my husband before. I think it's why I feel off my exercise wagon. I wasn't doing it for me. Now I am. I am starting work an hour later in the morning to make sure that I have time to exercise, and I am not just doing what I think DH would want me to do. I've lost 5 pounds already and have been drinking a lot more water, so I feel good (except for the extreme fatigue I've been having, but I'm hoping that's due to Baby Lua)!

Less tired, more waiting

I am not as tired as I was last night, but I am certainly getting tired for waiting to take a test. I think the remainder of my week will be pretty busy, so I don't think the 2WW will drag on as much as it has in other cycles.

On a totally selfish and unrelated note, I wonder if anyone outside of me will ever read this blog. When I read blogs of other women in the TTC or Pregnancy journey, I am so excited for them. I guess I just would love it if someone were excited about mine - besides me.

So tired...

I don't know if it's because today was the first day back, or because I have a lot of unfinished work, but I am exhausted. I had to take a nap in the middle of the day, and I am still going to bed before 9:00 PM. I hope it's actually because I am pregnant, but I know those symptoms won't show up for a few more days to weeks. Either way, I am super sleepy.

Tomorrow marks the first day to really start watching for implantation signs. I'm aiming for an implantation dip or for a triphasic chart. I'd be happy with either. I'll keep you informed!

I'm not ready!

I don't want to go back to work. I really hate working. It's not my job. That's not too bad. It's really just working. I don't know what I should be doing, but I know it's not this path that I am on now. It's really hard to feel good about life overall when you spend 60+ hours a week doing something you don't like that much. I don't know. Maybe it's the "day before going back to work after a long vacation" jitters. But I am really feeling down about going back. Actually, I think it's more than the "jitters". I also have quite a bit of unfinished work that needs to be done that I have not intention of completing tonight. So that's probably adding to my feeling of stress.

But this blog isn't about my stress. It's about my desire to get pregnant and hopefully, one day soon, about the being pregnant and welcoming Baby Lua into the world. I hope I am pregnant right now. It's certainly possible. We did the right things at the right times. And I definitely ovulated. So I am just waiting. I hate the waiting. It's really not awesome. But it will be all worth it when I get the BFP which I know is on its way!

Happy New Year

So I'm a day late, but it's still the first week of the New Year, so I don't feel awful about it. I am excited for a new year. Well, I am excited for every day, but the New Year is always a nice time for renewing commitments. This year is going to be great. I will get pregnant. I will celebrate my one year anniversary with my wonderful husband. I will get better at keeping in touch with those in my life that I care about. I will get and stay in shape. I will eat right. I will start my book. I will blog on a regular basis. I will greet each day with a spirit of gratefulness for the opportunity to be different. 2KX is going to be awesome!

I think we have a good chance of conceiving this month. Even with our travel to the east coast and all of the things we had to do, I still think we timed our BD well enough to give us a good chance for conception. It's exciting because I love that we have done our part to ensure the best chance for getting pregnant. DH worries about me because he thinks that I think about having a baby way too much. But I don't think that's true. I do think about it a lot, but it's because I want to make sure I'm doing my part to be healthy and informed. I am a bit of a control freak (a bit), so I like to know the thing I can have control over. I can take my temp and use my monitor regularly to track ovulation. That's a good thing. I'm not crying every time I get a negative pregnancy test. I just take that as an opportunity to refocus my energy on trying again. Don't get me wrong – It does sometimes get me down. But I'm not worried about it yet. I am just so excited about Baby Lua and am anxious awaiting his or her arrival.

What's really exciting to me is the idea that I could still have conceived a child in 2009. I want to have a baby in 2010, so the timing is perfect. And since some doctors say it's good to have 2-3 months off of the pill, this cycle would be great because it's cycle #4. I am hopeful that the 4th time is a charm!