CD1 Again

Monday will be CD1 for me. I thought this would be our month given the HSG and the 5 days of BDing during my fertile period. I was really hopeful. But alas, it's another bust. So, as soon as I get back to the states, I have to go for Day 3 testing per m RE. 

I don't think I updated since my RE appointment. So we went to the RE the Friday before last. He recommened that my DH see a reproductive urologist just to make sure there's nothing special causing his low morphology. He said his numbers weren't bad, but they weren't great either.

For me, he wants to test my FSH, Estrogen and Prolactin levels. We're both getting some genetic testing as well. So this cycle will be another natural and then we're probably going to injectable IUI with Follistim. After 3 cycles of that, then I'll probably get a sonohysterogram to confirm nothing is wrong with my uterus. If that's clear, then we move to IVF with ICSI. He doesn't want to do the sonohysterogram now because we have no reason to believe anything is wrong, but I wanted to leave it as an option for later just in case.

If I get a BFP, I'll continue to see the RE weekly for u/s and bloodwork through the first trimester. I'll also have to take progesterone as well. 

DH and I talked about this a lot over the past week. He is trying to get his head wrapped around the IUI/IVF route. He really wants to conceive a child "normally", and I think this bothers him more than it does me. I just want to have a healthy child. If it has to be IUI or IVF, so be it.

Anyway, I am tired of TTC. I started this process wanting a 2010 baby and sincerely believing that was going to happen. With AF just about here, I know my chances are gone. The next milestone is trying to have a child before 35 - I only have 5 more cycles before I pass that too. I know my troubles are nothing compared to others who have been on this road for longer, or who have medical issues, etc. But I'm just feeling down about this now. I hate the waiting and the lack of control. I hate the idea of injectables, and sperm in a cup and daily u/s and visits to the doctor. I hate the expense - financially, emotionally, and the time spent thinking, worrying, planning, hoping, being disappointed, etc.

Enough feeling bad for myself. I'm just going to move on to another cycle and pray that this is the one...

I'm thankful for: Sunny days. Sometimes, on a nice sunny day, I like to gout outside and take a deep breath. It clears my head and makes me feel like I can make it through another day.