Slightly depressed

I am not thrilled today. I'm not sad, but I'm not happy either. I'm far from happy. Well, that's probably an exaggeration. I'm not far from happy, but I'm tired all the time and all I want to do is watch TV or read or sleep. I don't want free time to think. When I think, I just focus on all the things that aren't going the way I want them to. So, I figure if I don't think, then at least I won't depress myself.

Why I am so down? A few reasons - I want a child and we haven't been able to conceive one yet. I'm almost 34 years old with no children. I am overweight and don't have the energy or motivation to do anything about it. I don't make as much as I know I could because I am too comfortable in my current job.

I know, I know. I am just throwing myself a stupid pity party. But this TTC stuff is so hard sometimes. And it shouldn't be. It should be fun. It should be exciting. It shouldn't be my DH struggling to get an erection when he's tired and stressed just because he thinks today is a good day to try. It shouldn't be taking my temperature every single morning and peeing on a stick 10 days out of every month. It shouldn't be about blood tests, and shooting dye into your cervix and DH ejaculating into a sample cup. It should be romantic evenings and quickies and just having fun. But it's not. Instead I'm spending hours online thinking about how it would feel to add injections, daily ultrasounds and blood draws all leading up to a injection of modified sperm that my DH gets to produce by hand.

Okay - enough for now. I am going to change my attitude. I am going to get pregnant this cycle. The end.

I'm thankful for: Not being completely depressed.